I loved going back and reading my most recent entry (over a year ago, yikes!) and noticing the date, New Year's Eve of 2012. In that post I mentioned our struggles with infertility and a hope that the coming year would bring us a bundle of joy. But at that time, I had a sinking feeling that it would be years before we got to welcome a child into our lives. I love that December 31st is now a special date for us - in 2012 we closed on our house, and in 2013 our miracle daughter was born! I feel so blessed for so many things - and it's strange to say, but I'm grateful for our difficulty in concieving (more on that lesson later). On to the birth story:
December 31st, 2013 6:00am - I woke up, needing to pee for the millionth time that night, and shuffled to the bathroom to find that either my water broke, or I had significantly less bladder control than I supposed. I felt silly for being unsure and I didn't want to freak anyone out, so I went back to bed. I figured, if my water did break, then labor would start soon and I'd know for sure.
8:23am - I woke up again and had a repeat of the previous experience... now I was starting to worry. Aren't you supposed to know when your water has broken? Should contractions have started by now? I said a prayer, asking that I might be able to read my body's signals and discern what I needed to do. I called Ryan to tell him what happened and ask his opinion on calling the doctor. We decided it couldn't hurt to call the doctor. (Good order, right? God, husband, doctor). Of course it's a holiday, so no one was in the office, but Dr. Webster called me back within 30 seconds. I described what had happened that morning, and she said it sounded like my water broke. "Go ahead and come to the hospital and we can test to be sure."
Everything instantly became real! But I still worried about feeling stupid if I was wrong. I let Ryan know what was going on and set to getting all the bags in the car. I walked out to ask for someone to drive me (in my head I pictured the baby coming out on the 10 minute drive to the hospital - you can never be too careful, right?!) only to find an empty house. Ironically, my dad and brother had been home every morning of Christmas break except this one. I called Dad and told him I was driving to the hospital and to keep his phone nearby, but not to tell anyone! (he spilt the beans too early when we told him we were pregnant ;)).
In my haste, I forgot something very important - I left without eating food! (Never again!)
9:30am - I checked in at the L&D desk and they took me back to run tests. I laid on the bed, listening to my little Squish's heartbeat, thinking I'm an idiot - it's been 3 and a half hours and I haven't started contractions - there's no way I'm in labor. They're gonna send me home and charge me a massive bill. Kim, the nurse, was very kind and kept assuring me that it was better to know for sure and that I was doing the right thing.
9:50am - The first test came back negative, but the nurse said there was still a chance it had broken, so we should wait for the more conclusive test. I called Ryan to tell him it was probably a false alarm and that he should stop rushing to leave work. I called Kendra, having just remembered that we had a play date planned for 10am, and let her know that I was going to be late. I called my Dad to update him, too.
10:00am - Kim came back in to check my levels. As I hung up the phone, the results of my last test came in - MY WATER WAS BROKEN! OMG, THIS IS HAPPENING! Crap, why didn't I eat?! I told Kim how starving I was and she went to find Dr. Webster. Miracle of miracles, she said I could go home to get food, but I had to be back by 12:00pm. If contractions hadn't started on their own, then we would have to start Pitocin.
Ryan met me at home and we frantically got ready - I wish someone had been taping us at this point, because we probably looked hysterical. I curled my hair, threw on some make up, made the bed, and ran around the house doing last minute chores. Ryan checked his bags and then frantically started flipping through his expectant father book saying, "What am I supposed to do?" (Mind you, he'd been reading it religiously, but the moment it was go time, everything went out the window). Still no contractions, despite my efforts to be active. Ryan and I left to have our last lunch before becoming parents. I chose Chipotle with a QT Diet Coke and Caramello's chaser. I was too excited to eat much, though. I called Michelle, my amazing sister-in-law, on the way and asked for her to be our last minute birth photographer. She's so fantastic! She and Parker were so happy for us - they immediately dropped everything to pack a bag and join us in the hospital.
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| Ryan's "I'm going to be a Dad" selfie |
12:30am - Check-in complete, they brought me back in to L&D room 401. Let me just pause and say that this hospital is amazing! The delivery suites are gigantic! It felt like we were checking into a swanky hotel. We got settled in the room and started monitoring the baby and contractions (those non-existent ones...) I was a bit discouraged that labor still hadn't started, but it made me so thankful that I'd come into the hospital for the test - who knows what could've happened if I ignored the signs?! Dr. Webster came in and we started Pitocin. It was something I had really wanted to avoid, but my body wasclearly not getting the message about this birthing business!
1:00pm - Dilated to 2ish cm, 70% effaced. We started the Pitocin. Things started slowly - I didn't feel much and we settled in, realizing we should take advantage of being comfortable right now. I had a suspicion that this baby might not come until the next day. I encouraged Ryan to nap while I felt okay with the pain, but we were all too excited for sleep!
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| Can't believe she's coming today! |
3:00pm (ish) - Parker and Michelle arrived as excited as can be. At this point the contractions were starting to get pretty painful, but I could still talk through them. I got to use my heating pad, but how I wished I could take a hot shower, or move at all! I understood my need for Pitocin, and I knew that meant I had to be monitored constantly, but I greatly wished I could've labored at home without the IV and all of the gadgets on me.
Ryan and I found a system. I knew I should relax my body and let the pain swell over me like a wave, instead of fighting it. I did my best to keep my face relaxed and do harrah (sp?) breaths (like in yoga). I envisioned my pain like steaming something in the microwave and I would only allow my left hand to tense up as a grabbed Ryan's - that's where the 'steam' or pressure could escape - so that the rest of my body could stay relaxed.
We watched The Hobbit on a giant TV (seriously, this hospital rocks), but soon it got to be so painful that all distractions just annoyed me. Ryan quickly learned that joking was off limits; in fact, when I was contracting it was just better not to talk at all. I had a hard time not dreading the contraction coming. I kept telling myself "That's one contraction closer to meeting Pemberley." I asked if Parker and Michelle could get some dinner for Ryan - I needed him on his A game for pushing time! I also felt self-conscious about being in pain in front of anyone other than Ryan. They went to run the errand while I continued to labor.
Go time! Ryan hurried to my side and the delivery room seemed to fill up with people. My bed felt like a Transformer - they removed the bottom, pulled out the stirrups, put a giant water-proof sheet down. Nurses, instruments, and lights were everywhere. My nurse tried to keep my focus on her while she talked me through pushing. It's just like pooping, got it. Ryan pulled a stool up to my right side, Michelle got the camera ready, spotlights came on, and my mom got ready to duck out of the room. I told her she was welcomed to stay. I looked toward the curtain in front of the door and I saw Parker's feet. He pulled the curtain back to peek in and I could tell he was nervous for me. He's always been our family's protector, and it was adorable, but I wasn't ready for my brother to witness what was about to happen. I whispered to Ryan that I'd be more comfortable if he waited outside.
8:54pm - Pushing time. Dr. Webster came into my view and we got my body positioned. I had a hard time feeling the pressure of a contraction at first. The nurses had to tell me when to push. I could tell that the first push was pretty weak sauce. I pulled my legs up, tucked my chin to my chest, held my breath and beared down. Ryan was so great. He admits now that he had no idea what he was doing, but it was helpful to me. He put his head right by mine and and held his breath right along with me. After each push, he told me I was doing great.
A few minutes in, the baby's heartrate started dropping. I've never heard the phrase, "big, deep breaths, Momma" so many times in my life (at all, really), but I heard it repeatedly over the next few minutes. They gave me some oxygen to help, and I know why I needed the reminder, but I came really close to screaming that everyone needed to shut up!
After the first 2 contractions of pushes, I found my stride. Dr. Webster and the nurse counted to 10 each time, I'd take a deep breath, and I'd bear down again. I felt completely in the zone and it was so empowering! I'm amazed at how natural it felt, and I think the epidural was wearing off just enough that I could feel the progress and the pressure. With the last contraction, I finally got to the point where I said, "I'm ready to push." And that was all I needed!
9:17pm - I felt the release as Pemberley came out and I immediately craned my neck to look at her. After pushing silently and holding my breath, I gasped and let out a sob. She was here! Tears came to all of our eyes. I laid back and they placed a towel on my chest so I could hold her. Our miracle made it!
I'll let the next few pictures do the talking...
After Ryan cut the cord, the nurses took her to the weird space cart in the corner (obviously, I don't know the technical name) and set to clearing out her lungs. It was at this point that I heard the scariest words I've ever heard in my life: "I need a NICU specialist, I've got a baby that's not pinking up," the nurse said this into her comm device.
My glasses were off my face and I was rooted to the bed. This only made the anxiety that washed over me worse! The adrenaline rush from labor and the fear of Pemberley not being okay clashed within me. I laid there shaking uncontrollably and trying not to cry. Ryan and I spent the next few minutes waiting with bated breath as 4-5 nurses and specialists worked on sucking out the fluid Pemberley had swallowed. At one point, a nurse came and told me that they might need to take her to the NICU, but within a few minutes that felt like years, Pemberley was in my arms.
Parker and Michelle were so helpful and supportive - Parker didn't leave her side from the moment he came back into the room.
Ryan washed her hair while I ate my victory feast - Wendy's No.1 w/ a Diet Coke!
We're so thankful to our many family and friends - so many visitors came to ring in the new year with us!
I'm so thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing us with this child. I learned so many lessons through our struggle, and I know my prayers were answered. I truly feel His love through the blessing of my daughter.
5:10pm - Dilated 3 cm, 70% effaced. I wish I'd made more progress - if only I could move!!!Kim, my nurse, kept asking my pain level. She said I didn't have to be a hero. I was worried that an epidural would slow my progress, but she reminded me that I had to stay on the Pitocin and that would continue to make me have contractions. I finally decided to stop wishing things could be different and focus what I could choose to do in that moment. Since I was already hooked up and I wasn't opposed to an epidural, I decided to go for it. If it slowed progress and she came the next day, then that's what would happen.
I looked at the clock and told myself I could make it to 5:30pm, and then I'd get the epidural. We let Kim know so she could get everything ready, knowing it takes a while to get the anesthesiologist prepped.
6:00pm - Epidural time! Now my mom had scared the pants off of me about epidurals when she described them after giving birth to Kai and my 12-year-old brain took that and ran with it. I sat up to be prepped and my body instantly started shaking. Everything, even my chin, was shaking to the point that Ryan kept asking if I was cold. I was so anxious and my body was so worn out from the pain that I could hardly breath. I could tell I was starting to scare Ryan. I practiced curving my back and leaning on Ryan - that's when the tears came.
My angel epidural lady (because her name escapes me at the moment) was amazing. She was fast, compassionate, and very adept at her job. She used few words, but was able to perfectly describe exactly what was about to happen. "Okay, you're going to feel a stick... not there's going to be popping noise and it will feel cold." Within a few seconds she was done! It took a while and I had to do 15 minutes on my right side, then 15 on the left for everything to take effect. I think she got the perfect amount, too. I wasn't completely numb, and I could still move my legs a bit, but it took the sting and the pain away.
I asked Ryan to get out the earplugs so I could take a nap, figuring it'd be a while. Parker and Michelle got back with Ryan's food and my mom arrived to see how I was doing. She gave me a foot massage and Ryan went out to eat his food. I talked to my mom for a while. I kept reaching for my earplugs, but the nurses kept loosing the signal on Pem's heartrate monitor.
8:30pm - Michelle came in to check on me, but my mom, Parker, and Ryan had gone to the lobby to give me some quiet time to get sleepy. With my earplugs in my hand, getting ready to put them in, Dr. Webster stopped by to check me. I couldn't feel much, and I figured I hadn't progressed very far, so I continued to put an earplug in my ear. I told her I was doing well, feeling much better with the epidural, and I was going to take a nap to rest up. "No, you're not" she said, "You're going to push." What's that now?! "I'm ready?! Wait, I need Ryan!" Michelle excitedly went to get Ryan and I continued to ask Dr. Webster if I was ready.
Go time! Ryan hurried to my side and the delivery room seemed to fill up with people. My bed felt like a Transformer - they removed the bottom, pulled out the stirrups, put a giant water-proof sheet down. Nurses, instruments, and lights were everywhere. My nurse tried to keep my focus on her while she talked me through pushing. It's just like pooping, got it. Ryan pulled a stool up to my right side, Michelle got the camera ready, spotlights came on, and my mom got ready to duck out of the room. I told her she was welcomed to stay. I looked toward the curtain in front of the door and I saw Parker's feet. He pulled the curtain back to peek in and I could tell he was nervous for me. He's always been our family's protector, and it was adorable, but I wasn't ready for my brother to witness what was about to happen. I whispered to Ryan that I'd be more comfortable if he waited outside.
8:54pm - Pushing time. Dr. Webster came into my view and we got my body positioned. I had a hard time feeling the pressure of a contraction at first. The nurses had to tell me when to push. I could tell that the first push was pretty weak sauce. I pulled my legs up, tucked my chin to my chest, held my breath and beared down. Ryan was so great. He admits now that he had no idea what he was doing, but it was helpful to me. He put his head right by mine and and held his breath right along with me. After each push, he told me I was doing great. A few minutes in, the baby's heartrate started dropping. I've never heard the phrase, "big, deep breaths, Momma" so many times in my life (at all, really), but I heard it repeatedly over the next few minutes. They gave me some oxygen to help, and I know why I needed the reminder, but I came really close to screaming that everyone needed to shut up! After the first 2 contractions of pushes, I found my stride. Dr. Webster and the nurse counted to 10 each time, I'd take a deep breath, and I'd bear down again. I felt completely in the zone and it was so empowering! I'm amazed at how natural it felt, and I think the epidural was wearing off just enough that I could feel the progress and the pressure. With the last contraction, I finally got to the point where I said, "I'm ready to push." And that was all I needed!
I'll let the next few pictures do the talking...
After Ryan cut the cord, the nurses took her to the weird space cart in the corner (obviously, I don't know the technical name) and set to clearing out her lungs. It was at this point that I heard the scariest words I've ever heard in my life: "I need a NICU specialist, I've got a baby that's not pinking up," the nurse said this into her comm device.
My glasses were off my face and I was rooted to the bed. This only made the anxiety that washed over me worse! The adrenaline rush from labor and the fear of Pemberley not being okay clashed within me. I laid there shaking uncontrollably and trying not to cry. Ryan and I spent the next few minutes waiting with bated breath as 4-5 nurses and specialists worked on sucking out the fluid Pemberley had swallowed. At one point, a nurse came and told me that they might need to take her to the NICU, but within a few minutes that felt like years, Pemberley was in my arms.
She's here!
Pemberley Anne Elliott
December 31st, 2013
December 31st, 2013
9:17pm
8lbs 9oz - 19.5 in
Parker and Michelle were so helpful and supportive - Parker didn't leave her side from the moment he came back into the room.
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| My favorite picture from the entire experience - best husband and father anyone could ask for! |
Ryan washed her hair while I ate my victory feast - Wendy's No.1 w/ a Diet Coke!
We're so thankful to our many family and friends - so many visitors came to ring in the new year with us!
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| Neno |
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| These lucky kiddos got to come spend their first hour of 2014 with us! Can't believe we watched them when they were 3 (now almost 8!) |
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| Uncle Kai |
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| Kendra is so wonderful - she'll be babysitting 2 days a week when I go back to work. I'm sure Pem will look up to Jewels and KC like siblings! |
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| Proud Grandma with her 2 grandaughters! |
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| Auntie Erin |
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| Beautiful gifts - bear from Grandma Pam and flowers from Aunt Chelle |
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| The most perfect baby I've ever seen! |
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| Packing up to go home! |
I'm so thankful to my Heavenly Father for blessing us with this child. I learned so many lessons through our struggle, and I know my prayers were answered. I truly feel His love through the blessing of my daughter.
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